1998 School Magazine

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6irls 6rammar ^, rhool nitisbane 1998

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isn't enouoh to ward them off, so it is advisable that you all carry a reasonably sized automatic weapon should you be approached by an assail- ant demanding your DNA

GOP I inkes of bitiivizcb cod/ ditdsboes andp$ychs hintse!/147 101' !be demons/ration

Nc) really thank you. The first step o1 course in protecting yourself from DNA theft is to minimalize The general discarding of your own DNA in o1- ecules. As my colleague clearly demonstrates the best way to achieve this with regard to skin cells is to cover up. Preferably Iyci'a or spandex but any light fitting garment will do

GOP 2

GOP I JPuen/s, !" erroi, nons I'!/ie He cd!", 11hs back rind/o17uard shotuiizg qffbi$ oily^^

Cges!1111/1g 611 GOP I) What you see before you ladies and gentlemen is a completely impenetra- ble unit. NO- ONE is getting THIS DNA I can tell yoLi that. Now are there any questions?

CoP 2

GOP I solemnly pillls on. pink, e!bo!, leiig!b dish g/oues, d 12, /, Iycrd 1111/7Ri'd, rind knee leitgib black galoshes - orer bi$ 1117i- loin?. Ile reinn!'}is deadly serf'oils

AUDIENCE MEMBER I

But officer - he looks like an idiotl

The next step is of course hair. Humans shed thousands of Ilairs per day which in this day and age is the same as leaving a key 10 your house or car around stuck 10 hair brushes and the like. The easiest solution to this dilemma is of course - SHAVE IT OFF. Please allow my colleague a few moments to sha\, e

GOP 2

Yes Madame, but that being the case - he 15 an INDIVIDUAL idiot - one of a 1< ind!

CoP 2

AUDIENCE MEMBER 2

Couldn't the government lust pass a law prohib- illng the un-authorised use of DNA?

GOP I exi!s singe rigb/

Yes Madame they could if only we knew which these days you were the real politicians can just never tell. Well than1< you all for attending today's self defence seminar and we hope that oLir advice will assist you all in keeping your DNA to yourself the way. .. well. ...... Dolly lust couldn'I Thank you Captain

GOP 2

tsui!'jiging on b!^ heels and rub!\!/ing) Anyone heard any good jokes lately? What about the one where the scientist threw his own clone out a 7 SIoiy window after it yelled obscenities at it tm? The poitcc charged the scientist with making an obscene clone fall. (he chi!CMes qttie/!y, dintos! mechanicd/ly 10 himse!/then sbaip!y regdi'its bis coinposm'eJ

GOP 2

No. thank you. . ... ... (, litdso oil and so o11, Ibey exi'! singe by to the 0011/1d of Missi'o11 1111possi'b/e, lights doll, 10

GOP I

Filler GOP I, be i's ipedring d skill colonred bdthi'rig cap gluing bini ,I batd dppedmiice

Axil GOPs 162 ds ctii'!run lises Ie"err/^jig lobo/e cdSe o11 singe skindi}Ig sotonin/v behind clone I

Ah, thank yoLi Captain

GOP 2

by, MELISSA CllAMBERS 12 M"ch, ,y

No thank you

GOP I

No reall\, thank you. Now there is still the issue of eyebi'ows and lashes. As yoLi can see, that problein can easily be dealt with, with the LISe of some scotch tape and a pair of SILirdy, goggles

CoP 2

GOP I 51ei"141pi!/^ 11uo SII'!ps of !dpe ouei' bis e. yeb!Dins nild/ites o11 some e!101'!?lolls/11/01'0 SIui'ini?11'11g goggles

Foi' solne criminals however, prevention simply

coP z

1.21.