2000 School Magazine

on 91n@I works

BRIDGING THE CANAL

I ascended towards the light, five floors up, each step bringing me closer to my fate. I opened the door, no longer able to evade the ordeal. inside there was an ethereal glow. One woman, smiling, an angel; but then she wasn't doomed as I was. She wasn't holding a card saying;"Dr Brian Crowther, Friday 27th August, 9.30am, ROOT CANAL: Reluctantly, I turned away and joined the ranks in the waiting room. Somehow, despite the windows and countless fluorescent tubes, this side of the room was dark. I took my seat and scanned the titles of the quality literature they had provided. Woman's Day, Women's Weekly, New Idea. I looked at the less used, but more intellectual volumes. TIME a faint ray of hope, cover story: Criminal Dentistry. Maybe some other time. The Angel stood up and for a brief moment we bathed in her aura. An announcement: "Dr Crowther is running a little late, he apologises for the inconvenience. " I relaxed a little at the unexpected gift. Then stiffened again as the thought hit me. Whyis he running late? What has he done? Was that a muffled scream of agony? Whatis a Root Canal anyway? Sure, they say you need it or your teeth will die, but I'd prefer that to a hole in my mouth the size of the Panama. What was it Mum used to say? "An apple a day keeps the dentist away ..." As I sat there, contemplating my dismal future as a walking mechanical water way, I wished more than anything for a whole box of apples. The door opened, a voice from inside boomed a single word, "Next!" striking fear into the hearts of our defenceless band. The angel betrayed me, 'You can go in, MrThomas. " Sympathetic faces were momentarily raised from the tabloids. She followed me in. The door was shut. I could not escape. I looked to the angel for help but her PR mask was gone and her evil features revealed. it is my firm belief that all dentists are members of the FBI, CIA and MIS. This explains the number of mysterious disappearances from dental chairs. If you know a Kennedy, please warn them. I am ushered to the chair. He played with the buttons. One was marked with a red 'xi Right! If he pushes that, I fall through the floor. She handed him a tray of weapons. He said, "Open wide. .." and the massacre or operation of oral construction, if you prefer, began. "How's the business going?" the devil incarnate questioned. "000 Reeiee 009, " I managed. "Great to hear!" he boomed. As if he even could hear! Suddenly, he pulled a gas mask out of nowhere. ... That is it, goodbye Earth they're taking me now ... "RO I RO Rowa Ro, Re Me RO!!!" "That's right. You won't feel a thing ..." The scene that followed is difficult to describe. It will be sufficient to say that while he hacked away at my gums, recreating the Suez, and she became obsessive-compulsive over my saliva; I sat there, the helpless victim, laughing hystericalIy. Half an hour later, I walked out. Down the stairs and into the sunshine. I'd like to say"See! That wasn't so bad, " but I am $972.85 poorer, I have another little white card in my pocket and for the rest of the day, I was prone to inappropriate bouts of spontaneous laughter.

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